


Losing Sleep

by forever_River_Song



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Mattex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1214131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forever_River_Song/pseuds/forever_River_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex laid in bed staring at the ceiling. It was 3 in the morning and she was trying to keep her mind from racing and just relax but she was failing. She closed her eyes but all she could see was his goofy smirk, the way his hair fell in front of his face, the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. Then she saw the way he looked as he walked away from her and left her to get on her plane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this came from the song "Losing Sleep" By John Newman

Alex laid in bed staring at the ceiling. It was 3 in the morning and she was trying to keep her mind from racing and just relax but she was failing. She closed her eyes but all she could see was his goofy smirk, the way his hair fell in front of his face, the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. Then she saw the way he looked as he walked away from her and left her to get on her plane.

She was happy to be on holiday and at home in L.A. with her beautiful daughter, but she missed him. She wouldn’t be seeing him again unless she hopped countries and he wouldn’t want to see her anyway and that bothered her. Their last encounter was a beautiful but so painful. Was she really crazy enough to go see him after that? She couldn’t just leave Salome with Florian and runoff. She could always leave her daughter with her parents when they arrived. They hadn’t been home in such a long time. Salome would love to see her grandparents and she could catch up with family. It wouldn’t be so bad if she chicken out that way, she would still have plenty of things to do besides seeing Matt. That seemed logical but she wasn’t making snap decisions at 3:30 in the morning when she was clearly sleep deprived. She closed her eyes again and took a deep cleansing breath. Finally sleep overcame her.

The next morning she called her mother and asked her what she thought about the idea. Salome would be on holiday from school in two weeks and it would be the perfect opportunity to see Matt. He was starting a musical on West End in a week and he would never expect her to come to one of his performances. Of course her mother thought it was a wonderful idea because she so rarely got to see her daughter and granddaughter anyway, so it was decided. In two weeks she would get off a plane and run to Matt, hoping so much that he would admit he loved her like she hoped he did.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The first time her and Matt had shared a kiss, that wasn’t being filmed, it was at a party where they had both consumed a decent amount of alcohol and their inhibitions had scurried away. They just couldn’t help themselves. They had been flirting with each other all night. He would whisper his thoughts on her dress in her ear then nibble it a bit. He danced with her and held her close and when a slow song had come on he looked in her eyes and pressed his lips to hers. She was shocked at first then she melted into him. Everyone around them whooped and said it was about time and they stumbled drunkly to the corner where they could be relatively alone. They later got in a cab and went back to Matt’s flat. She remember everything perfectly, the way their bodies fit together, the sweat, the noises, the way he whispered to her about how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her and always had, and the way she had fallen asleep in his arms.

The next morning was very different. He looked ashamed of himself and apologized for his behavior. He got her some clothes to wear, lead her to the shower and walked away. She was at a loss for words. She felt so terrible. She stood under the hot water and cried for half an hour. After waiting for so long to be with him that way, he had rejected her hours later. She had gotten dressed and allowed him to take her to the airport. He hugged her awkwardly goodbye and left her standing at the gate, and that was the last time she’d seen him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She had booked the plane tickets, bought her ticket, front row center, for Matt’s play, and gotten her and Salome’s bags packed. Salome was so excited to see her grandparents and maybe see Matt she was bouncing in her seat during the ride to the airport. “Mom! I can’t wait to see Oma and Opa! And I might see Matt! Oh mom thank you for taking me! I love you.”

“You’re every welcome darling, this is going to be wonderful holiday.” Alex hoped it would be wonderful. She was scared that if Matt saw her, he would immediately send her away. Or worse he’d have a beautiful woman his own age on his arm and make her feel even more stupid for wanting him to love her. She worried the whole flight about what was to come. She finally got herself together and made herself promise that no matter what happened Matt would still be her friend and seeing him on stage and doing what he does best was worth the trip.

When they landed her parents were there waiting. They made their way to her childhood home. She got Salome ready for bed and stayed up and caught up with her wonderful parents. When she was finally ready for bed and the house was quiet she couldn’t help but let her nerves get the better of her. She imagined every possible scenario that could play out. She imagined the worst possible reaction she could get from him. How he could look at her with disgust for even thinking he’d want to see her. She hoped for the best. That he would be relieved she didn’t hate him and tell her he loved her all along. When she finally fell sleep it was 3 am again. She really need to learn how to shut her mind off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next night was Matt’s performance and she was losing herself to nerves and excitement. She had called ahead and had a single rose placed in Matt’s dressing area with a note saying “Hello Sweetie.” Surely he would get the hint that it was from her, hopefully he wasn’t that thick. She put on her best dress, one she never really wore, one that people always told her wasn’t her usual style. It was red, strapless and stopped at her knees. It had beautiful gold embroidery on the bust and she loved it. She made sure her hair was at its curliest and that it was loose around her shoulders. Salome was upset she wasn’t going but told her mother how beautiful she was. “Will Matt come home with you tonight mom? Will I get to see him?”

“I don’t know sweetheart, but I will try my best to get him here at least once before we have to go back home, ok?” She patted Salome’s hair and kissed her cheek. She then walked outside and looked up at the sky. The sun was setting and she had two and a half hours before the performance began.

She got in her rental car and began the journey to the theater. When she arrived she gave the keys to a valet and walked into the theater. She was greeted by the director who recognized her immediately. He offered to take her back stage to see Matt but she thankfully declined, she told him she was a surprise and winked. He mimed zipping his lip and escorted her to her seat.

The play was wonderful and Matt did great. She was captivated by him the entirety of the performance. She didn’t know if he had actually seen her sitting there but she felt like every line he spoke was just for her. She hung around for a bit after the end hoping he would come from back stage and she could talk to him. After twenty minutes or so she decide maybe he had left out the back and was not expecting anyone he knew to be there tonight. So she stood and was walking towards the exit when a hand caught her wrist.

“Thank goodness, I caught you.” She heard a familiar voice breathe. She whirled around and found herself inches from Matt’s talk, skinny frame. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and nuzzled his face into her wild hair. She could feel his heart beating against his chest on her shoulder. She put her nose to his neck, he smelled like theater, like the makeup and the sweat and adrenaline. She breathed deep that scent and squeezed him tighter. She had missed this feeling so much, his arms wrapped around her was pure bliss.

“Matt, you did a wonderful job tonight!” she said as she stepped out of his arms, “It was brilliant.” He gave her a thousand watt smile, “I tried my best. When I found the rose I thought it was a joke, that you wouldn’t leave home just to see me on stage. You had Salome to take care of, but surely enough when I walked out on stage I could see that hair.” He put his arm around her, “How did you get here? Want me to drive you home, or you could come back to my flat and stay there, I mean it is rather late.”

“I drove myself Matt, its fine, I will drive myself back home.” She stepped out of his arms as her nerves suddenly found her again. How could she go back to his flat after the last time she was there? He looked at her with concern, like she answer was the last he had expected. She was beginning to think that as hard as she had tried she had not prepared herself for him inviting her back to his flat, that he would be so relaxed after what happened, like it had never happened. Maybe that’s how she should treat it, at least for tonight. Like it was a bad dream, because Matt was still one of her closes friends and he deserved her love whether he returned it or not.

“Do you at least want to go get something to eat?” He looked like a wounded puppy. She was hungry and she had missed him. Being in a restaurant might make telling him how she felt less awkward, if she decided to do it at all, than being alone with him. So she nodded her yes and followed him out the door.

They drove in their separate cars to a little tea shop down the street. They picked the table hidden in the corner and Matt went and order their tea and Alex a chocolate chip muffin. When he returned Alex was nervously playing with her curls and she knew he could tell something was wrong. She sipped her tea and they talked about the play and the actors and what she had been up to since the last time they had seen each other. “I really haven’t been up to much. Salome is out of school so I thought why not come out here, see your play and get to spend time with my parents, it seemed perfect.”

“So poppet is with you? Why didn’t you bring her to the performance? I would love to see her.”

This was it, the opportunity she had been looking for, “Well, to be perfectly honest, I wanted to talk to you alone.” She bit her lip, was she really going to tell him how she felt, how she hasn’t slept for the last month, how she dreamed bout him, and how she longed to feel his touch again?

“Ok, well we’re alone now, talk to me.” He looked at her with endearment.

She looked down at her hands in her lap and then back at him. She was really going to do this, “Do you remember the last time I saw you?” He nodded but didn’t speak, “Well I haven’t been myself since then, and I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in a month. I keep having these dreams and you’re always there. It’s been driving me mad. I came here because I have to know why you ushered me out of your bedroom like I was a horrible mistake. I know you deserve someone who is your own age, who can give you kids, and doesn’t already have one. But I cried the entire flight home. I never felt so hurt in my life Matt. After all the flirting and everything that happened that night, I have to admit it, I love you.” She stared at him, unshed tears blurring her vision. She really did love him.

Matt stared back, his eyes searching hers, unspoken words caught in his throat. He had hurt her. He had broken her heart and now he hated himself. “Kingston….?” He reached out his hand to her, “I am so sorry. I thought you would regret what we did. I thought I wasn’t good enough to hold you that night. I promise you that I never meant to hurt you, I assumed you wouldn’t want to be with me. I mean look at me.” Alex let the tears flow down her cheeks as she shook her head. She squeezed his hand. “I wanted so badly for you to love me but I thought letting you go was what was best. I am obviously a fool. But just so you know I haven’t been sleeping either and just turning out the lights in my bedroom hurts me because I want you to be laying there with me. Please never ever think I don’t love you,” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles lightly, “and don’t ever stop loving me,” He was on the verge of tears and he just hope she would say something.

She stared at him for a moment, “so you do want me?” she sniffled. She looked scared and worried on the outside but she was over joyed. He loved her, he had admitted he was going crazy himself. He needed her, he really wanted and needed her.

“Of course I want you Alex, how could I not? Just look at you. I’d be an idiot if I said no.” He laughed, “So do you want to go home or to my place or to a bar. We’ll do whatever you like if you will dry your eyes and tell me you love me again.”

She laughed at his request. She used a napkin to dab at her eyes and hopefully not smear her makeup any worse than it already was. She looked him in the eyes and smiled, “I love you Matthew.” She laughed when he crossed his eye and sighed like he had just orgasmed.

“I will never get tired of hearing that. I love you too Alex…..I really really do. So now what are we going to do??”

Alex thought for a moment. If she went to his flat they would certainly have sex. If they went to a bar he would get a few vodkas into her, they would probably make out and then end up back at his flat and having sex. If she went back to her parents’ house she could sleep decently for once and see him again tomorrow. She was very eager to feel him touch her again though, so a bar it is. He stared at her for a long time as she argued in her head which was the best option. She looked at him and smiled. “Let me call my mother and tell her I will probably not be returning to her house until the morning and then we can go get some drinks, how does that sound?”

Matt hopped up and kissed her cheek, “That sounds lovely.” He grabbed her hand and they walked out to the cars.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On the drive to the bar she called her mother and told her that she would be home in the morning. She followed Matt’s car and realized they were headed straight for his flat and not his favorite pub. She rolled her eyes and called him. “Excuse me sweetie, but I noticed we are going straight to your flat and that was not our plan.”

“Well I’m not going to go to a pub in my car then have to leave it there because I can’t drive. I doubt you would want to do that either. So we are leaving our vehicles at my flat and we’ll walk to the pub down the street.” He laughed and hung up the phone. She rolled her eyes and continued to follow him to his flat. When she parked her rental he ran over and opened her door and helped her out. He put his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead and they began the trek down the street.

“So you plan on getting me drunk and then having your way with?” She joked as he wrapped his arm around her waist a bit tighter when they walked in the pub.

“Absolutely not! I will be drinking to, so you may be the one having your way with me.” He laughed as he walked up to the bar and ordered their drinks. They picked a table and began talking and drinking. Before Alex knew it she had down four vodka’s and it was all going to her head. She stood up and nearly fell off her heels. When she stepped out of them she fell into Matt’s lap attempting to pick them up. She hid her face in his neck as she laughed. He leaned over and picked them up for her. “Excuse me Miss, are these yours?”

“Why yes, they are. Thank you for retrieving them for me,” She giggled out and kissed his cheek. “Matt. I think it’s time we leave this pub and maybe make our way to your flat.” She winked at him and he turned an attractive shade of red.

“Yes Ms. Kingston. I believe you are correct. Let’s get out of here and talk somewhere more private.” He lifted her to her feet, stood up, took her hand, and they hurried out of the pub and back towards his flat. Alex held tightly to his hand. She was still in disbelief. This wonderful, beautiful, caring, and slightly drunk man said he loved her. She had a chance at happiness again, with her best friend.

She followed him through his door and it turned to kissing and touching and clothes being shed. When her dress hit the floor she made a mad dash to his room. He laughed and chased her down the hall.

“You are still as beautiful as I remember,” he breathed as he caught her before she fell to the mattress. She turned around and kissed him with everything she had, every feeling she had felt towards him. He laid her on the bed and they melted together. She had never been happier in her life.

When she woke up the next morning she rolled over and stared at Matt sleeping next to her. It was the best she had slept in a long time and she had never woken up to anything better. She knew this was going to be the end of her losing sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first serious fanfiction. I was really considering not posting it. So tell me what you think. I want everyone's opinion and suggestions.


End file.
